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Wednesday, 17 August 2016

PMS is ruining my life

Once a month it would appear that I turn into the devil incarnate on and off for a few days.  Today just happens to be one, I say today, It's 2.30am on a Wednesday morning and I cant sleep because every ten minutes I seem to be having a very difficult to control urge to get a wooden chair and smash it against a hard surface whilst simultaneously screaming and listening to Pig Destroyer.
Instead, (and more maturely I may add,) I'm in bed listening to This Will Destroy You in an effort to calm the fuck down after I've just had to once again apologise to someone I actually for a change, give a shit about for snapping at them for absolutely no reason for the multiple time this week.
I used to say I was jealous of men, because they didn't have periods, and didnt have to deal with the very irrational mood swings, the pain of your ovaries trying to re-enact the great escape with internal meat cleavers, exhaustion, or sore boobs, let alone the fact that we bleed for up to a week constantly. I don't even trust things that bleed like that and dont die, why arent we dead? (I do know the answer to that.) Unfortunately for them, and quite incorrectly on my behalf, they really do have to deal with it, as it were anyway, as they have to deal with us and despite their complaints, mostly put up with it, or ignore it (or you).
Sometimes, for about five minutes at a time during this wonderful monthly occurrence I do forget that I am a rational human being, and not a hell demon sent to this realm to destroy everything in my path, and I'm unsure if I should be apologising for my behaviour, but I often during this fantastic time also get quite paranoid and question whether or not the tightrope I sense I'm walking on getting thinner and thinner with certain people. However, that could be attributed to my ever present anxiety that could probably be a lot less present if I drank less coffee.
So in this witching hour I've decided for the first time in my life, look up how to get rid of it, and thanks to health.com which I cant be bothered to research into enough to find out its credibility because everything on the internet is true and webmd.com told me my common cold was going to kill me so it must be.
The answers are at best, questionable.

  1. Improve your diet, eat more fruit and veg - Lol, no. This is the one week that I actually crave chocolate and carbs so if you think I'm going to purposefully starve myself of this special time in my relationship with food, you can quite frankly, get tae fuck pal. 
  2. Exercise more - This I will actually agree with as its just come to my attention that I haven't been for a run or to the gym in nearly three weeks and I've felt quite claustrophobically anxious, more so than usual since, and I've only just realised that at this very moment so, sorry everyone I've been in contact with. Back to the treadmill post haste!
  3. Try Vitamins - Due to other pre-existing health conditions I have to already take 5 different tablets a day so its not happening pal, I'll just have a berocca and hope for the best.
  4. Check out herbal remedies - I'm a big supporter of herbal remedies actually. I like lots of natural things, and old wives tales. Unfortunately they've recommended evening primrose oil which I think smells like the scented equivalent of rigamortis and old peoples homes. They do also recommend raspberry leaf tea which I have got knocking around from when I was trying to get my child to evacuate the building three years ago, probably gone off but i'll try anything once. (That also doesn't work for inducing labour so don't bother with it, waste of money.) 
I'm already bored of this list, and after reading it all, and realising it didn't have eat everything in your periphery, hug everything and attach yourself to your nearest loved one like a limpet begging for constant attention, I think its full of shit.

All in all, it's not ruining my life really, just maybe some relationships. Nah, i'm just being melodramatic and in a few days I'll go back to being somewhat relatively normal, but not after I beg everyone to love me forever and tell them I hate them simultaneously until then and expect them to understand explicitly and still like me after. Although, I might still go for a run.

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