This time last year, I was engulfed in depression and uncertain of the future, terrified that the decision I had made was going to be a mistake, that the baby wouldn't love me, that I wasn't going to be a good mother. I felt trapped in a job that I hated, where nobody seemed to know what a shower was and everyday I was victimised by a manager for being pregnant, the same manager who was an epileptic cocaine addict and in my opinion, manager or not, had no leg to stand on when making digs at me. 'People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones' and all that, but thats all water under the bridge and I hope that he has found an inner peace and doesn't feel the need to take his pain out on others any more.
James and I were living in a shared house with a former friend of ours that made the house smell like mould and spent every night in shouting matches.
I think its safe to say, that I am so glad to say that the minute Arabella was born, my life changed for the better, and its put me on a path that can only lead to happiness.
James and I are better than ever, they say having a baby either makes or breaks a relationship and its certainly made it. In the relatively short time that James and I have been together, we have had a very unfair share of hurdles to over come and it feels like we are running through that finish line, hand in hand with a strong crowd cheering, and its all for Arabella.
Newborn babies don't do much, and Arabella was very small, in 'tiny baby' clothes and seemed so delicate, like you couldn't pick her up for fear of her tiny little body shattering into a million pieces.
Turns out, they are a lot stronger than you realise and we found that out when she gave me a swift left hook by accident and caused quite a substantial amount of pain for a little sprog.
Now at six months, she's rolling over, she has two teeth and three solid meals a day. She smiles, laughs and plays games that she makes up. She hardly ever cries and she sleeps through the night. I find myself constantly asking what we did to deserve such a beautiful little girl.
There's something very special about Arabella, maybe her eyes are the instigator but she has the power to light a smile up on the biggest sourpusses you could ever meet. She's a beacon of hope and brings untold joy to those around her. Unfortunately, one of her biggest fans, James' Great-Uncle George passed away a week or so ago and one of his last wishes was to see her, so off she went to the hospital in Leicester and held his hand and he smiled. I wasn't there but I'm told she knew it was a sad moment, she didn't cry, she just did what she knew would make George happy. Yesterday at his funeral, on the leaflet for the service, she kept grabbing the pictures at his face. Even when my late Grandmother was dying, the pictures I sent her constantly of Arabella kept her going and even though she had only met her once, she found hope from her, and now without my dear Grandmother, my Grandfather is finding a new type of hope and positivity for the rest of his life in his Great-Granddaughter.
She is truly incredible, and changing by the second. Blink and you'll miss it. I've lived a busy and spontaneous life before Arabella, and now with her and James, I embark on what I think life is really about. Family and love. What could be more exciting than that? To another six months little egg.