Child fear, and yes FEAR not PHOBIA is a real thing.
Its not a phobia because they are bloody terrifying. I avoid contact with them at all costs and when one approaches I've just about perfected the classic 'smile and wave' accompanied by a convincing, yet not at all inviting, fake smile.
Now, my darling James just happens to have 5 very young cousins, and last week, they just happened to be visiting.
Two belong to one aunt, and three to the other and on Tuesday I went for dinner at J's Grandmother's house to see the first two of his cousins and his parents and sister too. Luckily, they didn't take any notice to me for most the evening until we sat down for dinner, and with the absolute fear of God in my heart I brought myself to strike up a conversation.
I don't know what my initial fear of children is, maybe it's because I feel like you always have to set a good example, or because they seem to look up at you expecting you to entertain them but my lord it doesn't half insight verbal diarrhea.
What do you even talk about to a child? They are all so different! What if they think I'm just the most lame thing they've ever come into contact with? Children's emotions are known to be erratic at the best of times, so what if they shout at me? They are all girls too, at least with boys you know you can either talk about football, cars or mud and you're bound to evoke a positive reaction.
With girls it's like treading on eggshells, you can't mention boys without them getting embarrassed, fashion because lets face it, our parents dressed us as kids and you don't have a clue until you're about 15, makeup because they don't wear anything or barbies because you're not sure you can even get them anymore. Do they even know what polly pocket is?
Anyway, my verbal shite ended up with me inviting them over on their own for lunch and pumpkin carving, which seemed to go down well. The promise of fish fingers and cheese on toast was the winner.
On the actual day, not only could we not find pumpkins for about an hour, I kept going on and on and on about things that they might like to fill the silences, like certain games such as Minecraft and Bioshock, which I know absolutely nothing about. I was just clutching at invisible straws by this point, all I play is The Sims and Skyrim. Thats about where my gaming intelligence ends, unless you played Blake Stone, because in the 90's I loved that, but lets face it, nobody has played it because nobody's heard of it.
Anyway, some of my babble must of worked because when I saw them a couple of days later they seemed to of enjoyed my company and my obviously terrific jokes, but this was just a fraction of impressing I had accomplished, the big dogs were yet to come.
All five girls at once, the fake smiles were out and the terror behind my eyes was more visible than my terrible tan but I took my newly learnt skills and applied it to these little terrors and after only a few awkward smiles and quite frankly hilarious jokes about my daughters poo, once again, what would you know, they actually seem to like me, and thought I was pretty cool.
I feel like this week my life has been similar to the first Monsters INC film, children may seem terrifying on the outside, with their wide grins and eager eyes, but on the inside they just want someone to show them where the toilet is, and hold their hand in a crowd. They also do alright at entertaining themselves.
However, I will ignore the 'I like having an new, old girl cousin' remark, thank you very much. Follow Me On Instagram! / Follow Me On Bloglovin! / Follow Me On Twitter!
Alexandra Loves x